I am done with feeling broken and worthless. Goodbye to a life of heart break. I’m trying so hard to start new without feeling you. Love has torn me, but I will allow you to rebuild me.

I start beauty school in october most likely. I still work at Wendy’s and I am trying my hardest to leave. I have no motivation anymore, I feel so tired. My apartment is a wreck. I now pay my mom rent, fml.

I haven’t felt so sick in my entire life. For three weeks now I’ve felt like the stomach flu has taken over. I get sick to the point I feel like I’m going to pass out. I went to the doctor and I have to get tests done. Blood work is my least favorite. Either way, I feel so drained and I’m always hungry but I get sick and I am left without nutrients it feels like. I hope it’s something that can be easily fixed.

I am not a blogger, lol.

I swear with every word, every bone in my body, every pulse of my heart, I love you. We were so infinite and I messed up. My heart skipped the wrong kind of beat and now look where I am. I beg you to know, I love you.

I’m always saying “was gonna..” for something. Well, I was going (haha) to make a new layout and everything for this stupid blog tomorrow, but I was offered home opener tickets for the Pirates. Club level *big smile* =D.
I had many plans for tomorrow, and I REALLY need my paycheck. Badly, if you can’t tell.

My easter was so much fun. I spent time with my step cousins, especially the babies (twins). They are so adorable and they love me. I’m learning better how to interact with babies. I was always awkward with them at first.

As much as I want to write more, I just can’t. I’m so tired. Last night was…different..and I’m exhausted from it. lol.

I’ve decided to dedicate an entire post to my cats, specifically: Odi. (he has the most pictures)

Here’s the story about my cats:

(more…)

Have you ever just wanted to float away and begin a new life? That’s how i feel. Everything is building up around me and I’m so scared to knock it down. And everything in me is falling apart. My thoughts race and my heart slows. I’m on the edge of a panic attack with every mention. I’m so scared to let go.

I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I wish I could understand this. I just want to go home. With every ounce of love I can’t begin to beg for the truth. Holes in the wall from fists. I feel imcomplete. Everything is spinning.

Summer passed by me within a blink of an eye. It was full of adventure and work. The paychecks really didn’t know how much i worked.

School started about 2 weeks ago. I dreaded it until 7:00am when I had to drive to the school and even all the way up to the entrance. It’s my last year, but I didn’t want to go. I’m already failing my Honors English class. I’m turning that around this week. Pottery is killing my nails, but I found an awesome nail strengthener. It’s made by Nutra Nail and it has green tea in it. It was about $3 or less at Walmart.

I’ve done a total 4 photoshoots for senior pictures.

I’m having health issues as usual. Hopefully getting them resolved in the next week or two.

I’m trying to be more artsy.

post again later this week.

The school day was short thankgod. Seven and a half days left of school. I am thrilled to be out of school soon.

There’s a new dog day care opening this summer and I want to work there but I don’t see a listing for that specific location yet.

————

8:50pm

I just got home from a wonderful evening. James finally called me and we took all of our coins down to the Coinstar. There was a total of $52, but we only got $48 because of the service charge thing. Crazy! So we went to the mall and got me a necklace and candy, then we went to dinner at Red Lobster even though I had just eaten dinner. Ha. We had one dollar left so we gave it to a lemonade stand but didn’t want any lemonade, although I wouldn’t mind some now. But he was being so sweet tonight. He’s been so sweet lately, not that he usually isn’t, we just have our issues. I love him so much.

With only a week and a half left of school, I am thrilled and making plans for summer. I will be a senior next school year and I can’t wait for that year to be over either. Ha.

I laid in the grass today and soaked up the sun. I tried finish a drawing of mine, but I’m having an issue with it. I sat outside in a tanktop and shorts…a VERY rare sight, yet it’s going to be a more frequent one. I am excited to play in the sun all summer and grow up. Although, I’ll be honest, summer scares me more than anything. I usually go through a weird depression/madness and I get to the point that I hate sleeping because of the nightmares I have. For about a week after I experience my firs nightmares, I avoiding sleeping but I can’t go without it. Hopefully this summer will be full of happy adventures.  It’s my last summer until I have to make big decisions.